


Untarnished

by lcdsra



Series: LCDSRA's A-Z Soulmate Prompts [21]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27073048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcdsra/pseuds/lcdsra
Summary: /ˌənˈtärniSHt/adjective1. not made less valuable or respected.Or: They get 20 years. It’s more than Kirin expects.
Relationships: None
Series: LCDSRA's A-Z Soulmate Prompts [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935553





	Untarnished

**Author's Note:**

> Death is discussed in this story, but it's not described in detail.
> 
> AU: An animal that represents you can lead you to your soulmate.
> 
> Character(s): Kirin, Rain  
> Relationship(s): Clair/Kirin  
> Warning(s): Past character death

Logically, Kirin knew that Clair would probably die before her. Clair lived a high stress life, she never figured out how exactly to feed herself, she was shot at on a weekly basis at least. But still, she hoped that they’d get more time.

As Clair’s soulmate, Kirin knew she’d have to give a speech. In fact, she wanted to give a speech, about her life, and her death.

But every time she sat down to write it, her chest ached at the thought of letting go.

Kirin was nearly 50, had wielded weapons the wider world didn't even know about, controlled a vast sea of people, and yet this was what stopped her. This simple speech couldn’t capture everything that Clair meant to her.

: : :

“I met Clair Fletcher when she first joined us, in Elemental Air. For the first year of her joining, we didn’t talk. I noticed, of course, Clair’s deer. He was just settled, he was restless, just like Clair was. Then, a year later, we finally talked. And there was a spark, in that moment.”

: : :

They had 20 years together. So much of it felt wasted, looking back, yet logically Kirin knew that neither of them were ready then. Even years later, they weren’t ready. Clair needed time to become herself and Kirin had to finally get Frisco to settle properly.

He became a deer, just like Surya, Clair's animal, was, though he never indicated if it was because of Clair, or if that was what simply felt right.

Clair was patient with both of them. She seemed to understand without being told that Kirin was so scared of everything, of her, of falling in love.

: : :

“I didn’t want to admit it, at first, because I was afraid. But Clair never was. She was brave and reckless, and she was patient and kind to me. Even though I was supposed to be the strong one, she never judged me or pushed me.”

: : :

Kirin had always dreaded to find the person whose animal was attracted to hers. She knew her parents wouldn’t approve, she knew her preference even before dating. But another part of her was terrified of committing to someone else. To admit that she was destined to find someone who’d love her just the same.

She wasn’t familiar with what ‘love’, genuine, unabashed and unconditional love, felt like. The idea that she was obligated to stay with someone she might not even like was scarier than anything she had felt in her life.

Soul animals were often linked to soulmates and they supposedly lead their humans to their mates. Animals settled in the teen years, yet Kirin’s never did.

Frisco was connected to her, forever, and he knew of her fears and anxieties. They became his fears and he never settled properly, which meant he chose a form, but he technically could shift again.

She thought her soulmate wouldn’t want someone so terrified that their own animal couldn’t live properly.

She was wrong.

: : :

“Clair changed me in the best way possible. She is, was, a good listener and understanding and even though she was scared herself, she tried to help anyone and everyone. Clair wanted to help everyone else, and often forgot about herself.”

: : :

Creating a soul bond was something that scared Kirin even more than meeting her soulmate did. It was similar to a marriage, almost, just not legally recognized. Though divorce and marriage were both usually acceptable upon bonding with a soulmate.

But Kirin didn’t want that for a very long time. Once they started officially dating, Clair was entirely ready to create a bond with her and tie the knot legally, but Kirin stopped them from doing it too quickly.

They waited ten years before finally bonding. When they did, Kirin felt secure, somehow. She didn’t get a sense of ‘wholeness’ that society pushed, but Clair admitted that she believed that having a soulmate didn’t make someone more or less of a whole person, it just gave them security, and that’s why Kirin felt that most of all.

Even after bonding, they waited another five to get married. It was legal, and had been legal, for a long time, yet the opportunity never really arose. Weddings took time to plan and if there was anything they both lacked, it was time.

They got married legally five years after bonding. The wedding was, after all their waiting, modest and small. But Clair looked stunning and Kirin fell in love a little more, somehow.

: : :

“She was everything to me. I know that’s cheesy, and cliche, but truly, Clair was sometimes the only person who kept me going throughout the years. I owe her everything. I can only hope that she’s somewhere better now.”

: : :

“Kirin.”

She turned. “Rain.” She acknowledged her old superior causally. Rain was still in STARS, but not in Elemental Air. Someone very dear to him died, and then he couldn't take it. After a year of taking time for himself, he switched branches to be part of Elemental Earth.

“I’m so sorry to hear about Clair.” He said, quietly. “I know how much she meant to you.”

“You cared about her too.” She replied, because if she agreed, told him _yes_ , she was my everything, she'd probably start crying. Instead, she asked, “Did you get my request?"

He shrugged a little, a casual lift of a shoulder. “I think Rune would be better suited to make a speech. They knew Clair a lot better.”

Kirin recognized what he was trying to do immediately. The speech he gave for Primavera was short and stiff, like if he didn't acknowledge her death, then she wouldn't really be dead. “You worked with her.” Kirin rebuffed.

“They sponsored her.”

“How about this, then.” Kirin moved to face him fully, challengingly. “I would prefer you to give a speech about my soulmate rather than her distant sponsor who was barely in her life after the obligatory five.”

They stared at each other. Kirin knew, without glancing over, that Frisco was staring at Rain, and Rain’s owl was certainly somewhere, watching them all.

“Okay.” Rain said, breaking their standoff. “I will talk about Clair.”

She nodded slightly. “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Me too.”

: : :

“I will miss Clair every day that I walk this Earth. She was taken too early from us, and I will try to live how she would’ve wanted me to.” Kirin paused. “She would’ve wanted me to be happy.”

: : :

Clair’s legacy wasn’t necessarily poised to be a positive one. She had switched handlers multiple times within her first few years in STARS, she had a high injury rate and a low rate of success, and her authority was questioned at first, when she became a commander.

But Kirin knew better than to assume Clair wouldn’t ever change. Though she joined and stayed in Air for the entirety of her career, she was water, she was the element of change. Clair changed herself and others, shaping the future without ever looking back.

Kirin mirrored her, in being more similar to the earth. She was firm and unyielding, until Clair in every way, but acted as a complimentary element.

But still, other people didn’t view her soulmate like that. They whispered that she was too young to even be in STARS, too inexperienced to be an effective commander. None of them mattered when, later, Clair proved to be an important part in some of STARS’ history.

Kirin would make sure her death would be as imposing as her life was.

**Author's Note:**

> Like a comet pulled from orbit  
> As it passes the sun  
> Like a stream that meets a boulder  
> Halfway through the wood  
> Who can say if I've been changed for the better  
> But because I knew you  
> I have been changed for good
> 
> \- For Good from Wicked


End file.
